Hi Guys
This morning I oke up from a horrible nightmare, I dreamed that my son was kidnapped by a neighbor and held hostage in his basement while he sexually abused him. Yeah what a dream huh. In the dream it was as if we had searched for my son so long that the authorities gave up and said he was probably dead. My family had a mmorial service for him and everything. But I wouldnt give up! I was mourning sooo ad that I was hearing his voice crying out for me in the night. Well long story short HE WAS CRYING OUT FOR ME! I WAS HEARING HIS VOICE because he was in the basement of the house next door. When I realized where the screams were comming from I threw a brick thru the guys basement window and i went in to escue my naked chld who had been beating and molested. As I tried to break the lok to get him out of this cage the man came home & we began fighting. Then I caught a glimpse of my sons eyes in horror and I woke up.
My God I woke up trembling and listening for my son snoring in the next room. Thank God I heard my baby. The point of this story is that Ive been having dreams like this for awhile now. I havent been able to figue out WHY im dreaming of bad things happening to my SON! Today I figured it out.
See its not my son that these things are happening to, ITS ME! My son is my twin except that we are EXACT OPPOSITES, follow me people, he's dark skinned im liter skinned, he's male, im female, he's a teenager & im twice his age (plus 4, lol). In the dream he is always a kid under 10 which is my immature subconcious mind's fears! SUBCONSCIOUSLY I FEAR LOSING WEIGHT, BUT I also fear DYING FROM THE WEIGHT!!!!!!!!!
So finally I figured this thing out, But also that its TIME to BURY my weight as well. Molestation and abuse is more shameful to the abused than it is to the abuser, thats why a lot of childrenand people that have een abused or molested hide it. Because they are ASHAMED of it. They feel in some way its their fault. I was ABUSED as a child Physically, mentally and emotionally. Alot of that has to do with my obesity. Food like you hear most people say was my friend, butI will go furthe to say that food was my COMFORTER, IT FELT SOOO DAMM GOOD! The best feeling Ive had tht wasnt sexual or linked to my kids was eating a Gourmet Brownie! It was heavon! I forgot where I was while I was eating it! Thats how food made me feel and who wouldnt want to feel that way over and over and over again.
Like I said guys today I HAD AN EPIPHANY!!!
